A Stage 1 session of a gay couple illustrates elements of the first change event of EFT – de-escalation. Metaphorically they de-escalate their automatic cycle of a train gathering speed, away from the station, by accessing the underlying fears that are powering the train. The more pursuing partner, whom I will call Ted, acknowledges he fires up and becomes like the scorched earth in Gone with the Wind, when his more withdrawn partner, Jed, describes the “all flight, no fight” panic that overcomes him in the face of Ted’s outbursts. This video complements Chapters 4 and 5. Chapter 4 is Assessment and alliance: The attachment experience of steps 1 and 2. Chapter 5 is The tyranny of unheeded attachment fears: Unpacking emotion in the de-escalation change event: (Steps 3 and 4).
The video begins with clarifying the simple Step 2 of EFT: The cue that each partner receives from the other that triggers a sense of attachment threat and the automatic self- protective moves or actions that made in reaction to these perceived threats. The cue for Ted is a look of admonishment or disapproval on Jed’s face or any sign that Jed may be about to flee. This moves him to quick reactions of angry complaints. The cue for Jed is Ted’s raised voice. This triggers his reaction of getting out of the way and letting the train run its course – what he calls his reaction of “all flight no fight”.